Mirror, Mirror

My daughter is fascinated with mirrors. At 10 weeks old there is nothing more exciting than studying her own reflection. She inspires me. Her innocence wrenches my heart. The other day as I watched her practice crying in her toy mirror, (fake crying I assure you) tears rolled down my face as I wondered how long she would enjoy this simple act. I realized that within a few short years she will likely look into a mirror with not contentment but disgust.

We live in a society that trains us as women to pick apart every nuance of ourselves that does not fit into the mold of the current standard of beauty. For as long as I can remember the mirror has been a foe of mine. My earliest memories are tainted by the devastation that anorexia and bulimia can wreak upon a family, my family. To this day I spend a ridiculous amount of time fretting over what to eat, truly whether or not to even eat. I worry over what size I am and what I will wear. I obsess over if I'm thin or fat, ugly or pretty, trendy or plain. I worry about whether or not my husband will love me or be attracted to me if I gain 5 pounds of have a pimple! It's a travesty to have my life saturated with the obsession of beauty.

I want more for Abigail. I want my daughter to grow up knowing that she is a princess of the King of Kings. I want her to know that beauty, the true kind, comes from within. I want her to be filled with peace when she looks into the mirror. I want Abigail to treasure herself enough to dress modestly. I want my daughter to know that she is beautiful...truly gorgeous, and I want her to have an accurate standard against which to measure this. I want to be an example to her, to change my way of thinking. I want to make a conscious effort to train Abigail up with this mindset. Hold me accountable.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised

1 Peter 3:3-4 It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful.4 No, your beauty should come from within you—the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that will never be destroyed and is very precious to God.

Cry of My Heart

In the last 6 years there has been an unusual amount of young lives lost: Nicholas Rainey, Holly Wirth, Walter Ayala, Seth Coy, and others. Each time a tragedy such as these occurs I am asked "Why?" and I know that truly this question is intended for God's ears and not my own. With all of my heart I believe that part of the reason God has allowed young lives to end is to remind us of the fragility of life. The Bible says that to each person there is an alloted number of days, no more and no less can be given. To you who are young: don't wait to change your life, don't wait to make God your priority. Begin a life of living for His glory now. To you who are old (adults): You know not the number of days that remain...make them count. If you know the Lord, be certain that your children do as well. We are not entitled to turn and shake our fists at God when we have wasted the precious gift of life He has given. My heart is breaking and crying out as I write this, (not for Seth (who passed away last night, I know that this young man loved the Lord and is in Jesus' arms right now) but for the countless numbers of young and old alike who endure loss after loss and still reject the love of Christ.

To Those of You Who Fall Under that Category, I write this:

Money will not satisfy you
Material Wealth will not make you happy
Success will not fulfill you
Alcohol and Drugs will not solve your problems
Sex and Relationships will not mend your heart

Turn to God. Share with Him your anger, hurt, depression, discontentment, anxieties, or whatever is holding you back. Allow yourself to soak in His forgiveness and move on in new life. Don't use God. God is not the 911 system to be used only in times of emergencies. He is a loving father who wants to Know YOU! He wants to rejoice with you in good times, and He wants to comfort you when tragedies occur. Your life is not judged on the good time you had last night, or the fact that you carry a Coach purse. Your life is judged by what you do with the number of days God has given you. Live for Him, not yourself. It is never too late or too early to change.

If I have offended any, I ask you first to look within your heart and examine why you take offense, and secondly if you find no reason then I ask your forgiveness.

Dear Abigail Grace,

My sweet little girl,
For two months now you have made my life a waking dream, although there were moments (very short ones) that seemed to be a nightmare. Mommy has struggled to get you into some semblance of a sleeping pattern, and finally we have succeeded! You are a night owl, just like your daddy. We consider it a small victory to get you to sleep before 11:00. Each day more facets of your personality emerge, and I stare at you with awe as the individuality of YOU appears. Too many times to count, Mommy and Daddy find ourselves with tears in our eyes as we thank God for the blessing of you. You bring such joy to us, Abigail. Everyday, every hour, every moment is appreciated and stored away in my mind.

I hope that always you will know how treasured you are, not only by Mommy and Daddy, but by your Heavenly Father as well. God has a plan and a purpose for your life. Seek it. Fulfill it. The greatest accomplishment, the greatest joy, the most satisfying fulfillment will come not during your life, but at the end. Remember this, daughter. We do not live to store up treasures on earth. We do not live to please ourselves. We do not live to stand above others. We live and breathe to bring glory to the Lord who gave us life. We live to share love with others. No child has ever been as loved as you are, and I pray that this love will flow through you and from you into the lives of others. In every choice, in every action, and in every word, try always to live in such a way that one day you will hear these words, "Well Done, Abigail, Well Done." I will do my best to raise you up for this. Grow strong and healthy.

Mommy Loves You...

Adoring Abigail

My sweet little girl is two months old now...where does time go? I'm officially one of those mothers, you know the kind...the ones who cry with every new accomplishment their child makes, no matter how big or small. (Let's be honest, at this point they are all small) Abigail is becoming quite the character, just like her daddy. She talks quite often. According to John she can also crawl which truly is just a scooting motion that sometimes leaves her with rug burns...oops! Abigail loves to smile and tries very hard to laugh. She makes more facial expressions then any baby I've ever seen, but then again if you know John you are probably not surprised. We have enetered the realm of "only mommy will do" and while sometimes irritating, I must admit to loving the fact that I'm the one she wants. John and I often muse about when the absolute wonder of Abigail will wear off, but I don't think it ever will. Everyday I count my blessings, especially the blessing of Adoring Abigail...

A Familiar Face

Out of the blue one day, a good friend of mine mentioned that he had some pictures he thought I'd like to have. I inquired as to the content of the pictures and tears came to my eyes when he told me they were pictures of Nicholas. Many of you knew Nicholas personally and some may have only heard stories of his legendary adventures. Nicholas was my cousin and my best friend. A part of me died along with him and in the years since I've never been the same. When Aaron asked if I'd like to have the pictures, he handed me a far greater gift than he knew. You see as time passes the small things about Nicholas fade within my mind, and to see his face again retores all of that. Thank you, Aaron and Steph for giving me a glimpse of a familiar and dearly loved face...

Abbi's First Fair

The Gibson County Fair is a BIG annual event for the Davidson family. Each year as summer approaches we eagerly await fair week..the food...the entertainment...the animals. We love every aspect of the fair! This year the anticipation was overwhelming for John and I as this would be Abigail's first fair experience. Grandma (John's mom) had bought Abigail an outfit for every night of the fair...her first pair of jeans, red and white gingham, overalls...she was adorable to say the least (this from a proud Mommy). Abigail painted the picture of a perfect country girl! I jokingly talk about Abigail becoming a "mutton buster" and the fair is the precursor to that because Abbi met her first sheep! In September we hope to take her to the Palestine Rodeo to see what mutton busting is all about. John wanted Abigail to be a part of every fair event...tractor pulls, demo, the animal barn, tasting funnel cake (or at least the powdered sugar). He was mildly frustrated as Abbi seemed content to sleep or stare at the ceiling rather than look at the animals. Abigail loved every second! These are some of our favorite moments...Enjoy!

I See Me!

Long before Abigail arrived we speculated on what and who she would look like. For six weeks now it has remained just as much of a mystery. Many people see John's characteristics, and fewer have seen mine. It's minutely discouraging to think that this person that you carried for 9 1/2 months and then birthed didn't bother to inherit any of your features! When I was last home I found a picture of me at 6 weeks and was surprised to see a little of myself in Abigail after all! See what you think!

Satellite Insanity

For nearly 7 months now John and I have lived in our little woodland home. We've enjoyed the chirping birds, the wind blowing through the trees, and 3 fuzzy channels tuned in by a good 'ol rabbit ear antenna. The wonderful "digital switch" left us with 1 fuzzy channel and 4 daily hours of infomercials. I'm convinced that I could sell you any number of useless items, as I was tempted by their 1/2 selling pitches on a daily basis. My thoughtful parents enticed John and I with an early Christmas gift of Dish Network! Praise be! Our cute little house now proudly displays a satellite on the roof, and we are nearly overwelmed by a choice of 100 different television programs at any given time. It truly is a blessing and luxury for this stay-at-home mom! I'm certain if you could be a mouse on the wall you'd be mightily amused by our animated "look at that!" ,"what should we watch?" , and "how does this remote work?" The point that really sent us over the edge was the DVR mechanism. I can honestly say I was speechless when John stopped my live television show to rewind it a bit! I've been getting a kick out of how drastically this has impacted us, and I thought you might too!