Has Anyone Seen My Toes?

Curses on Eve! I'm daring to wonder what pregnancy would have been like before that greedy woman ate the forbidden fruit! My God has a sense of humor I believe, and when he vowed to make childbirth difficult, I think he also meant the carrying of the babe.
One must either laugh or cry, so I am choosing to laugh!
Have you seen my toes? I think they are painted purple, although John likened them to gumdrops! It's been awhile since last I located them, but when I did my breathing was immediately interupted in the effort! My poor husband is dealing with my new condition of snoring, and he also has the enviable job of rolling me off my back when in the midst of my sleep my breathing becomes ragged...no small feat I assure you. I have been blessed with those squeezable cheeks all of my life, but it is quite comical to note that each cheek would require two hands to properly squeeze them! I had always thought I wanted a larger chest, but cleavage to the collarbone is not all it's cracked up to be! From the back I look like a box...I had a waistline once, didn't I? The sheer horror on people's faces when they realize we have 8 weeks to go is enough to send me into a fit of tears. To combat this malady, my best friend painted my belly like an Easter Egg. This was quite humorous...until the paint started cracking! Who in the world knew that one little tiny being could so alter my being even right down to my toes!
Surely it's worth it Lord I ask, even as I know the answer...And then I feel my sweet little girl move within me and all is right in my world!